A month is a really long time. I’ve been trying to work on an experiment to quiet social media.
It’s been hard. And yesterday I slipped up. I went into Instagram and tried to post something to my story. I had this picture and I wanted to post it. Thought, oh this is creative. I’m allowed to do creative things.
While I was there I checked to see if anyone had wished me a happy birthday. They had not.
Then I started to check to see if anyone liked any posts. Any new followers? Any hearts? Comments? See, that’s the problem. I checked again later.
There were too many feelings for me, pulling me to the app. It was sad really. Like a druggie relapse. I feel ashamed. A failure. But, I’m not giving up.
I will continue my experiment. Now I know I can’t post and not look. I have to cut it all out. It’s sad. Sad how I’m drawn to it. Sad how I see others addicted to the phone. I have this urge, this desire, to force myself to get rid of all my apps and start from scratch. Only have phone and messages.
Can I do that? I also find value in being able to edit video. To create. I don’t want to stop creating. I like creating and I believe it’s valuable to who I am.
But checking on likes is detrimental. Makes me anxious.
Oh and listen to this. Late last night I sat in bed and was looking at my phone like what can I search for. I can’t watch a youtube video. I can’t scroll social media. What can i distract myself with?
That’s really disappointing. I know I have a lot to learn, but I don’t have to seek it out all the time. Then my daughter asked if I would like for her to read to me. Of course I said yes, absolutely.
That gave me an excuse to put the phone away and be present. Present. That is the key to this whole thing. To be present.
In the story she read there was a woman with a notebook of beautiful things. She would write in her notebook all the beautiful things she experienced in her day. The birds singing. The sun rising. The clouds moving in the wind. All of the things of life and this world that we seem to overlook these days. Things I need to bring back into my life.
Removing the attraction to the cellphone has started to increase my level of observation of the world and of those other people around me. It has made me more aware. And I believe that is a good, no great, thing.
Wish me luck on the continued journey. How is your journey going?